WOW
Ivan told me today that someday he is going to marry me.
I felt two very strong emotions surge simotaniously through my body when he said that. One was sheer panic. Think that might be a knee-jerk reaction to the idea of such a long term commitment. The other emotion was pure happiness. I smiled up at him and felt this freakish desire to say "I do" to him. No one panic. Just all the love I feel for Ivan was cursing through my body at mach 5 at that particular time and point.
I can understand the panicky feeling. Marriage is a forever kind of thing and we've only been dating for a short time. Now don't get me wrong, he did say SOMEDAY. I'm only 24 and he's 25. If me and Ivan were meant to be together forever, we will be. There is no need to rush forever to hurry up and get here.
But on the other hand, I feel so sure about me and Ivan's future, it doesn't bother me at all that he was talking about it. I often catch myself daydreaming about our future. House with big yard, kids, dogs and all that kind of stuff. I just can't help myself when it comes to Ivan.
We have so many plans for these next few upcoming weeks. We're going to be busy almost all the way through September. I'm so excited to be sharing all this stuff with him. Someday we get to look back through old pictures and reminisce.
This weekend is the company picnic, next weekend is camping in Eastern Washington, weekend after that is a road trip with my roommate (no Ivan there :( Then we go to the Ellensburg Rodeo, followed by a Brad Paisley/Chris Cagel concert in Pendelton, OR. After that I get to go to Monte's house for the Othello Rodeo. Staying out of town the whole time. We might even stay at Monte's house for Ellensburg one.
I hope to be able to write and keep this thing updated while I go insane from a lack of sleep these next few weeks.
1 Comments:
Welder Girl...I felt the need to read your blog after the nice comment you posted. And because we talk about the same kinds of things, I posted a link to your blog on my site.
Hmmm...panic button on the marriage thing. I understand that. I dated this guy Jim (a PhD student at a local University) who was 34 (9 years older than me) and going through a divorce. Even though he would say things like he wasn't ready for something serious, I could tell his vibe was very different. He would check out other people's children as in "Oh gosh isn't he/she cute?" like he was sizing up the kid then sizing me up for my viability to bear offspring. It made me feel really creepy. Jim did other things too - he was extremely possesive, constantly used "we" and "us" as if we were something serious, was pushing me into meeting his family, etc. I think the reason that his serious commitment vibe freaked me out was because I didn't return his enthusiasm for our relationship. I was ready to get serious with someone...but he wasn't the right one.
I think how you feel about Ivan is the right reaction. It's the way I feel about the Coach - that simultaneous fear and complete excitement about being together. For about 6 weeks I wasn't really sure how to introduce the Coach to my friends until we were at a gathering and he whispered in my ear "You can just call me your boyfriend because I tell everyone you're my girlfriend." It was scary and exciting all at the same time.
When you like someone so much and you have that really sure feeling about him, you just don't want anything to go wrong. You'll run through all the what-ifs. I think that's especially true if you've been hurt in the past. I know I have. But what's really great is that Ivan shares your enthusiam for your relationship. When two people know that they are meant to be together - I think they realize it almost immediately. That's how I feel about the Coach - nothing feels too fast or too slow or awkward. Everything just feels right.
Although pretty obvious,. I'll say it anyway - take one day at a time, be open and honest, listen, and be respectful. I can't think of anything more important in a relationship.
Good luck to you both :) And keep reading and blogging!
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