Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I haven't written in a while. I won't be able to write as frequently until I move into a new place.

Plans have changed... again... about our living situation. Ivan and I have decided that we need to live together. WITHOUT the other two roomates. Me and Ivan want to work on our own lives. We are going through the proper steps to clean up our credit and to buy a house in the future. We won't be able to do that while taking care of two other guys who don't have their shit together. So now I'm busy finding something new. At least the rental screening people are happy with me. I've got all my stuff taken care of. Now to get after Ivan...

Oh Wow

I got in touch with the rental management company today. Got an appointment set up to go see the inside of the blue house we are interested in. Found out that for an extra 500 a month we can rent the 8 acres that is attached to the 1/2 acres the house sits on. How cool! From the short conversation I had with the guy on the phone, they separated the acreage from the house because it wasn't being rented. Makes me feel more sure about getting the place.

I just need to get out of the house I'm sharing with my roommate. I'm going to go insane not being able to write when I want to and not being able to trust who I'm living with. Soon though, very soon this whole mess of drama will be over. Then I'll be living with my sweet Ivan and his friends. Well they are my friends now too. I've stayed over at their place every night for about a week now. They even had a key made for me to their apartment.

So here goes nothing. Taking the applications to rent over to the guys. Handing them in tomorrow. Hoping they are anxious to get some renters into the place.

I'll let you all know how it all goes.

And then....

So ever since the roomate discussion, I have been actively looking for a house to rent. One that would suit the four of us. There would have to be a certain amount of privacy for me in order to survive with three guys. One that would fit our budget and one that would let me keep my sweet puppy Daisy.

*NOTE TO SELF: MUST QUIT REFERRING TO DAISY AS A PUPPY. SHE IS TWO AND A HALF. NO LONGER A PUPPY.

Ivan and I have driven around looking at potential homes and dismissed each and every one of them. Until yesterday...

Yesterday I was armed with a list of 9 potential houses. Complete with a description, the address and even a map to each house. The four of us drove around for six hours. Making a decision at the end of the day on the house that was best for us. Monday I'm going to call up the Rental Management Company and talk to the agent about when and how we can get into the house.

This house sits on a 1/2 acre lot. Not too small and not too big for us. Has plenty of room to park and even a spot for my quad and Ivan's motorcycle. If I remember right, the ad said there was a walk in pantry *YAY and an extra freezer. We'll have two big freezers! I peeked in the window and the kitchen has a "country" feel to it. The yard was big. Perfect for me. Lots of room for a garden for next summer. I can't wait to get to walk through the house to get a better idea on the layout of the place.

Oh yeah also. Did I forget to mention.....

Ivan gave me a promise ring. On the way to the Ellensburg rodeo. That way I would be able to wear it through out the weekend. Can't even describe how happy I am. I've been walking in clouds for days. I love that guy so much. I can't wait to live with him. Can't wait to start creating a home with him. Even with the two roomates. Creating a home like atmosphere for those two is only going to benefit them.

So needless to say: "Happy, happy, joy, joy"

I'M BACK!!!

Well I guess getting to the library every day is a little harder than I had expected. Not being able to write has been very hard on me and there have been times where I've felt like screaming due to all the bottled up emotions I've had. But finally, a moment to myself, just a small time slot in my busy life that I'm able to dedicate to myself. So here I write.

The last time I had written, I was just about ready to sit down and talk with my roomate about all the "problems" we had been having. I wasn't much looking forward to the discussion and knew that the evening was going to be stressful and emotional.

Started out with her coming home from wherever she was and I was at the computer. We made small talk for a while. Then she says to me that she was sorry about everything that's been going on lately. She said sorry for everything that she said to Garret about me that one night at the bar. Blamed it on being drunk. Said she didn't even remember what all she said to him. Claimed she didn't remember talking to Ivan that night either. Told her being drunk wasn't an excuse and she agreed with me.

We talked about all the other stuff she had to say about me that wasn't very nice or very true. Her first move was to deny saying any of it. I told her that if she was going to lie to me than she was really wasting both of our time. So she admited to it and said the reason she said those things was because she was jeleous. Jeleous of the time I spend with Ivan that I used to spend with her, jeleous of the attention that I get from other people, jeleous of me being my typical happy go lucky self.

She started crying and said she was sorry about it all. That she hoped we could work it out some how where we could still live together. Told her that I couldn't. That no matter what, no matter how good friends we are (or were for that matter) that I wouldn't ever be able to trust her like I did when we first moved in together. Let her know that I've decided to find a place somewhere to live with Ivan. She cried some more but seemed ok with it. The rest of the night was pretty peaceful.

DOOMED

Well here shortly in a little while I'm going to meet up with the horrible no good very bad roommate. Going to sit down with her and have that talk that she wanted to have. Considering the mood I'm in from work, I think her timing was bad. I'm so grumpy and so sleepy that anything she tries to pull over on me is going to be called bullshit.

I find this whole situation tiresome, irritating and draining. I spent some time at work today asking random people if they had a room for rent. Problem is is that most people around me are men. So I talk to Ivan on the phone and ask him how he would feel if I rented a room from one of the old timers I work with. He said that he trusted me, but it would make him feel uneasy. So I told him that I wouldn't. I love him too much to compromise our relationship with something like that. So then I start thinking about looking through the want ads and finding someone who wants a girl for a roommate. Another girl that is.

Then Ivan throws another wrench in the works. "You want out that bad?" He says. Hell yes I do. I don't want to live with her any longer than I have to. Waiting till his lease expires in February is way too long of a wait for me. I want out now. We have a new plan now. Sweetie pie and his two roommates want out of their lease. They are going to break their lease, and we are all going to rent a house together.

WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST AGREE TOO??????

One good thing. If I can't live with Ivan while renting a place, I'll know for sure that I don't want to buy one with him. We figure that since today is the first of the month, we will give ourselves one month to get everything figured out.

I feel like I'm getting ready to start another crazy chapter in my life. Keep reading, because I'm going to have to keep writing.

Relaxation?

Now that I'm finally able to write somewhere without constantly looking over my shoulder, or constantly trying to figure out how to hide this from someone, isn't it time that I get pissed off at something else?

Sure, how about work. Today my bosses boss got our crew together to bitch about us not working hard enough. Apparently there were 1400 work hours turned in and only 900 of those hours accounted for. So that means our crew spent 500 hours not working last month. Too bad I wasn't around for all the bullshitting sessions that they seem to think we had.

Bosses anyway, what the hell do they know? See we got all of the easy work done, now we are stuck with all the pieces that don't seem to fit together just right. It takes more time trying to cut, re-weld, re-make, modify or just plain start over than it does to simply install something. Do those pencil pushers take that into account? Probably not. As far as I go, I'm the welder on our crew, and I have to spend time moving all my tools from floor to floor trying to take care of loose ends. Do they take that into consideration? Once again, probably not.

I'm also the only one from our crew that's on the 8th floor. I've been up there for weeks. These things I'm welding together are HUGE. Heavy too. So when I need help moving them around, I have to go find someone. I have no radio, so I don't really know where to start. There was one day where I had to go all the way down to the first floor before I finally found someone. That right there is a huge waste of time. Bosses don't look at that either. They just look at the final product and don't seem to have a clue about what it took to get it there.

Another thing bossman said was that in about 3 weeks or so they are going to start with layoffs from this job. What was it he said again? Oh yeah that's right:

"You are all smart enough to know who is getting laid off, so don't be surprised when it happens."

Well now, let me see here. We have an awsome crew. In my opinion anyway. So who would get put on that list? I have an idea of who. There are three on that list, myself included. If they had to get rid of one of the two apprentices, it would be me over the Nater-Bater. Doesn't hurt my feelings any, that's how construction is. I will, however give my company a little bit of hell before I go.

My company is a little bit shady on following union rules. There are a handful that I'm sure are being broken. I'm going to educate myself on the exact wording in our contract, and I'm going to make the bosses abide by those union rules. Some of them might be petty, but rules are rules. If you want to be a union contractor, you follow union rules. So neener neener neener. If I'm going, I might as well go out with a bang.

A Blog of new beginnings

I think I have finally figured out how to make sure the roomate doesn't ever get a chance to read this. I had to go down to the public library, get myself one of those handy dandy library cards and write in my blog on their computer. My computer, or should I say the roommates computer, isn't safe to write on any more. Can't believe she went through all those steps to find the damn thing. No such thing as privacy anymore. At least the library is right down the street from my house. Easy to stop in on my way home.

Since she read the letter I left for her and her friends just minutes before we left, the tension in the truck on the way over to the ocean was so thick that I wanted to cry. Well, I did while at home on the phone with Ivan. One of those times where I was so fed up and so angry I had no other outlet to my emotions other than crying. But that's another story. Anyway, I think she was feeling guilty or something. She insisted on paying for everything the whole trip. Paid for gas, food and the room. Kind of weird taking that vacation with her. Seeing as how I was pissed off. I almost left without her, but I was a little too chicken to do that. Decided to just go with the flow and try to enjoy myself.

I guess that there is one good thing to having my privacy invaded... It just encourages me to get going on my plans to buy a house. When is it time to let roommate know that I'm buying a house and that she isn't welcome to come with me? I'm going to move out in February, and she keeps trying to make plans for the future. I guess the only thing I can do is worry about myself. Her Daddy will take care of her no matter what is going on in her life.

I'm so frustrated still that my thoughts don't seem to make sense to me any more. I'm just glad that I still have this blog to write in, and that I found a way to continue to safely write in it.

I'll write again after work tomorrow. Well maybe not tomorrow. I get to go to a Sawyer Brown concert at the fair. Supposedly a whole group of us are going. Should be fun. I will try to get here to jot down a few words. So keep reading.

Dear Roommate and all her friends that read this

A little while back my roommate was drinking. I have no problem with her drinking, in fact I don't care much about what she does with her own personal life. Anyway while she was feeling a little goofy, she brought something up. Said something that I never told her about. Something that was only posted in my blog. So that meant she did some digging around to find my blog on the computer. Wonder how long she was really reading it before I moved it and claimed I lost it. So I move it to try to re-gain some of my lost privacy.

I talked with some of the guys I work around and I found out several different ways she could have found it. They even told me how to go through and find out how she found it. It took a while for me to even want to go through and find out for my self. All I wanted was my own privacy. My own journal. Thought that maybe if I left the origional for her to read, I could have my other one to my self. NO SUCH LUCK SEEING AS HOW SHE READS THAT ONE TOO.

This blog is NOT a "SHIT TALKING" blog. It mentions her twice in 44 posts. One post was dedicated to her. Basically just called her a hypocrite. You read her blogs. You know how much shit she talks about me. You would be amazed at how little she wrote about me was actually true and not something that was made up.

Do I feel bad for finding that one? Sure I do. I know how it feels to have your blog read by those who aren't supposed to be reading it. I felt guilty the whole time I did my research to try to find out how she got into my blog. That's how I found hers. I am so sorry for reading it. It has done irreparable damage to our friendship. It will never be the same now. If I never read it I wouldn't know all the nasty things she says about me.

What comes next? I don't really know. Is she going to kick me out of the house? Don't know that either. I don't really have a place to go. Not any place I would want to go. I like living here. I like living with her. Even though all of this shit happened, I don't want to move out. I don't even want to fight with her. In fact I want all of this shit to stop. What do I have to do? Get my own computer? Write at someone else's house so she can't go through cookies to look at anything and everything that I do?

So go ahead and all of you talk shit about me. Be pissed I found her blog. Listen to all the shit she has to say about me. I know in my heart who I am and I am entitled to live my life the way I want. I have no further need to explain myself.

Soon to be a journeywoman

I went to my union hall today to pay for my tuition. Also to pay my union dues. I got all signed up for my regular classes and am impatiently waiting for the fall schedule to come out. I also found out when I get to journey out.

I become a journeywoman on April 3, 2004.

Providing that is I don't get myself held up between now and then. Kind of weird to be able to put a date on something like that. It was one thing when I was a first or a second year apprentice and becoming a journeyman seemed like ages away. Now I have an exact date. One that is less than a year away. That's when I get that big raise. That's when I start making the big bucks. So glad I've decided to start looking for a house. That way I can start investing my money and quit throwing it away on rent and other frivolous crap.

Still kind of nerve wracking. Once you are a journeyman and you start making the big money, when you screw up, it's not written off as an apprentice mistake. I actually have to start taking on more responsibilities. I'm going to be expected to keep up with the other journeymen.

Ack..... Nerves....

Have long time to worry about that though. Just excited, happy and nervous about graduating.

Finally...

After 5 years. Soon it will all be over.